Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
time to smoke my breakfast
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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