The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
there's paper in my vomit.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
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