I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
