you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
