I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
