Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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