4 words: hood of his car
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
