i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
