we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
