I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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