WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
