Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
