Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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