fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
