i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
