Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
