why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
