hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
