I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
