Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
