This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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