It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
