I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
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