I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He told me they were just razor bumps!
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She bit a glass in half.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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