but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
