She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
