I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
