Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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