So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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