It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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