franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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