If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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