I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
