i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
