"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Randomize
