Who wears a wallet chain?!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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