franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
