You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
