Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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