I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
