I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
