Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
