can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Someone signed my nipple.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
