That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Randomize
