it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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