people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
