I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Are we still banned from the library?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
