good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
