Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
