Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
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