Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
