he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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