apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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