Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
