Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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