I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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