There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
So vagazzling was a success
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
