I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
