i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
